Greetings from balmy Hawaii.
It’s been almost a year since I logged into this blog. It’s amazing to see that, while I was gone, honeythatsok lived on and averaged 30 views a day. It’s almost like a ghost story – past versions of my thoughts taking a stroll through other people’s present brain.
I think that’s why I never got around to publishing a book. I suffer from commitment phobia. I can’t stand the idea of permanence, especially within myself. A book is forever and it will be flawed, like me.
I played with the idea of writing a memoir. I wanted to call it ‘Untethered; life in the age of extinction’. I still might. It’s just pretentious enough for me, while also at the same time kind of sounding like a Transformers movie.
This is a very imperfect blog. I started it after I had earned my master’s degree in sustainability but before I really knew anything about what sustainability means. My terms and labels are all over the place. There are unfinished ideas and vague concepts; I was always trying to grasp at something just outside my reach.
I think that also describes our culture perfectly. Our terms and labels are always behind, unable to define what is actually going on until we can look back in hindsight and say it was so obvious all along.
It’s obvious to me that this blog was a bridge between who I was and who I have become. I know my terms and labels now. I know where I’ve been and where I am going.
I wasn’t able to document the journey I took. I regret that now, but it was very painful, feeling so lost for so long. Years. I shone in my 20’s only to have the light go out so hard in my 30’s, I thought it would never end. But it makes sense. Maybe we are supposed to construct new versions of ourselves every ten years or so, but I didn’t know that.
But here’s the crazy thing. I also wouldn’t change any of it.
It was clear my path was going to be environmentalism. That’s the hardware. I care, so deeply, about climate science, climate politics and climate economy, which is really just human politics and human economy, re-imagined. But I also care about mental health. That’s the software. I care about mental health in the age of extinction. I don’t know a whole lot of other people that do. I can’t name them off the top of my head. So that would be what they call a competitive advantage. I can be a mental health counselor for climate change trauma to prevent people to be stuck like me.
Which means I’m back in school, community college this time. I love it. I feel stressed but alive. I feel slightly more tethered, and able to write again.
After the bombshell IPCC report that came out last week I can’t seem to stop writing. We have 12 years to fundamentally transform the way humans live on this planet.
So, game on. Put me in, coach. I’m ready.