I don’t know if you are born an artist, or if you become one. I guess deep down I think everyone is an artist at heart, it’s the human condition to want to create something beautiful and meaningful, but not everyone feeds that particular beast.
I have all these moments from childhood that stand out to me, and lately I’ve been cataloging them to see if they can steer me on the right path since I’ve been feeling a little lost lately. I’ve always been kind of a loner and at age 9 my biggest luxury was to stay home alone and spend all day building and playing with pirate Lego. 
Pirates appealed to me from a very young age because they had two things I’ve always desired: absolutely freedom and tropical islands.
I could easily spend six hours or more totally engaged building ships and deserted islands with crumbing forts. I had an audio book of Treasure Island that I knew inside out, I had played it so many times, but it always help set the mood. My favorite part is the old, mysterious pirate who arrives at the inn in the beginning. It’s still one of my favorite books.
I liked Barbie dolls well enough; they are pretty and arrive with an array of nicknacks and I’m obsessively detailed oriented. My favorite part was to organize all of their cute things, figure out which outfit belonged to which doll, but they were too complete already for me to really play and get creative with. So as soon as I was old enough to have access to a camera I took my favorite girls and set out into the woods for Barbie photo shoots. My dolls posed on moss, by trees and in small streams. I have no idea what happened to all those photos but I can imagine my mom wasn’t too happy to get billed for dozens of doll photos. It kind of looked something like this… except not really.
Finally, as a teenager, I had a brief love affair with Wicca and witchcraft. I think it was a prelude to being almost-Goth later in high school. This was the dawn of internet as we know it and I exhausted our poor ’95 printer for anything about Wicca I could possibly find, including philosophies and spells, to make my own Book of Shadows. The internet was revolutionary for a kid like me. All of a sudden I was no longer limited to the books and stores I could find in my little town; suddenly I had access to everything. So I wanted to be a witch. Well, actually I wanted to be an actress, but Hollywood was awfully far away so this seemed like a decent second best so I cast spells about becoming an actress in the future. I remember the thing about casting spells is mainly about your intention more than the actual words but it was pretty hard for me to sit in a circle and say ‘I call upon the Goddess of the East, I call upon the Goddess of the South, etc’ while keeping my intentions pure and not ridiculous. I lived and breathed Anne Rice novels. I hoarded stones, salt and chicken bones in dainty little boxes, but my season as a witch was short-lived. Still, when I think back, I can recall my true intention with that little experience. It was about strength, it was about living a beautiful and ethereal life of my own making, in touch with what magic this world holds. It was about female energy and power, and to create a space where it was celebrated.
So I became a writer. For the moment it is fine, although I would like to get back to film as soon as possible. Film will always be my first love, probably because it encompasses almost every single art form there is. Because as much as I love writing, sometimes it just doesn’t feel enough. There are no vivid colors, no real faces and no music. So when I think of stories, I think of film.
I want to end this post with two of the artists that inspire me the most. To me, they both exist in the world I was always trying to create for myself as a child. One is a musician and one is a painter, and if you’ve read my blog for some time this should come as no surprise :)
I’m so in love with the world of Lana Del Rey, where she is glamorous, down-on-her-luck, deadly, dying and always, always in love. It helps that I have been obsessed with old Hollywood my whole life. I’m currently working on a screenplay that I hope will be the best love song to 1940’s Hollywood since Sunset Blvd (1950)! And it’s eerie but I swear I can match a Lana song to every scene I have.
And darling Charmaine Olivia has a new collection of paintings called Bloom showing in San Fransisco at The Shooting Gallery. Here is a sample of my favorites (a lot!)
On social media, Charmaine’s entire life is a work of beautiful art. Much like Lana, she has blurred the lines between what is real and what is art and why it can’t be both at the same time. They are strong, deeply female artists that I’m trying to be inspired by, not envy, but it’s so damn hard not to compare yourself to others, and not find yourself lacking. Guess I still have some growing to do, and tomorrow is another day to add more value to my own art. No one said this life would be easy, right?
honeythatsok 
Great article!
I think we’re soul sisters. Lana del Rey and Charmaine Olivia are my two most fave artists ever. I like your story about taking your Barbies out on photo shoots. Keep on be I g creative. Peace.
Thanks Heather! It’s awesome to meet like-minded artists <3
I can’t give you the pirates, but tropical islands, yes! :) The work of this artist is quite beautiful and intriguing. I actually am more drawn to the flowers, than the celebrities. Thanks for sharing!
Pirate legos sound great! I used to play with Lincoln Logs and build whole villages with them. Had a whole ongoing saga. ;)
Those paintings are really beautiful. I’ll have to check out more of her work.
Wonderful post! I’ll be coming back!
OMG..so in love with this post! That is my favorite Lana song, although I love her, and this artwork is amazing….my apologies that some blogs are harder for me to visually navigate than others..not bc of the bloggers…it is a DID thing…but this post about yourself I can so identify with and is just beautiful…love it!
Thank you! I adore Lana, she’s such a complete artist. Sigh, one day… :) I’m sorry if you find my blog difficult to navigate. I try to make it as accessible as possible! Thanks for stopping by regardless :)
Oh no, I tried it out for a while. I probably did not make myself clear about having DID. It makes it hard for myself to look at things visually sometimes. All the different blog styles are a challenge. Computers in general even. LOL. Definitely not you. I love your blog. :)
I definitely understand :) I read most blog posts in the reader format on my WordPress home page because navigating all the different blogs can be trying. I would love to have a more magazine layout, like online news sites, but beggars can’t be choosers and I’m just happy WordPress is free :) Thanks for stopping by! I really enjoy your blog as well <3
Hi, it’s been only a short while since I’ve discovered and followed your blog, but it has quickly become one of my favorites. I was nominated for a Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award and I wanted to relay it by including you among ten blogs for me to nominate. (http://mselliejee.wordpress.com/2014/09/24/sisterhood-of-the-world-bloggers-award-nomination/) I’m not sure how exactly it works or what it is, but please take it as a sign of me enjoying your blog!
Best wishes,
Ellie Jee
I don’t really know how these things work either but thank you for thinking of me! <3
Unique portraits.Greetings.
Hi Joey, I love your post and the aesthetics of the featured photographs! I can resonate with you on Lana Del Rey – her music is very endearing from vocals to tunes, but most of all, I admire her as a lyricist ;) – Lena
http://felinecreatures.com/2014/09/02/plant-grow-prosper/
Loving every bit of this – start to finish. Your writing and vision is as provocative as it is endearing. No matter where your creativity takes you, dear one, you will absolutely shine!
Pirate Lego’s are brilliant. :)
Peace and light ~ Allison
The artwork is amazing.
wow! great paintings
Thank you for like back at my blog. And this post is really something. I like the part where you became fascinated by Wicca. Well, I didn’t want to be a witch, we didn’t have that concept in my part of the world when I was growing up. But I have always been fascinated by energies, auras and gemstones. There was a phase in my life when i studied these very intensely, and I think these are still parts of my life though in a subtle way today.
The art you have shared is fabulous, the colours and forms are entrancing. I think I am going to check out this artist a little more today. Thank you for the great post, and letting us in on this journey where each of us tries to really find what we are all about ;) artist, writer, singer, builders? difficult to decide, I think! A great post, this one.
What a stunning, eclectic collection of beauty crammed into a single post!
Thank you! I’m so happy you found it as beautiful as I do :)
I was a big fan of the Lego pirate stuff too :) Also I have a massive crush on Lana Del Ray to put it in a way that isn’t pure filth!
These paintings are spectacular! I I always wanted to be a Barbie when I was a child. I would pretend I had Ken and we went on adventures together. I believe that all kids are artists in some ways.
Oh wow! What an inspiring studio space. The paintings are lovely and now I shall go watch Lana Del Rey. I know the video will be great, all her stuff is. I love that tone in her voice. I enjoyed reading about your growing up. It’s a big jump from pirate lego to Barbie photo shoots. ;D
And that was the first time I have seen the whole film. Brilliant, if a little on the dark side. “I’m f-ing crazy … but I’m free” says it all really. She is a beautiful looking woman.
I’m glad you liked it! She is stunning. I love her look, face and vision. She has become such a controversial artist but I really just think she is trying to dive deep into all walks of life and emotions there are. Glamorizing prostitution is not a very PC move but she’s also showing solidarity with thousands of girls who have no choice but to live this way so it’s causing, or should cause debate which is what great art does :)