I spend a lot of time on this blog talking about what I don’t believe and how I think the way we live should be different. That’s necessary, but also kind of a bummer. So what exactly do I believe in?
My evolution to get here was about as long as my life. I feel like I’ve lived a very typical, Western, white girl life. I grew up with non-religious, non-judgmental, supportive parents, and I was encourage to go to school above everything else. I had my very mild rebellious teenage phase. For a split second I wanted to be Wiccan, then atheist, then just travel the world because, fuck it, life is short. I mocked the concept of God as a man in the sky with white beard, I still kind of do, sorry. But somewhere along the line I did develop spirituality. And it’s science-based, somehow.
As much as I can’t get on board when people say “God” because I feel too much evil has been used in “God’s” name, I do very much believe in energies. I love the absolute fact that energy cannot be created or destroyed – just transformed. Because that means every single thing we see or think or are, has been around since the beginning of the universe. It is assumed that right now, our life form, is third generation star dust. I love that. When the universe was created there were only hydrogen and helium. Then those elements fused in nuclear stars for billions of years, and eventually the collapse of those stars led to the creation of new elements. We are a carbon-based life form, so we are third generation of those fusions. That means the matter that I’m made of have been around since the dawn of time; I’m just wearing it in a different form. That’s the physical aspect of belief.
The spiritual aspect is even better. I do believe in the soul. I think it’s the conscious aspect of being alive, and that’s why we’re all a little bit different but mostly the same. Who knows, maybe it really does weight 21 grams and at the time of our death it leaves our body. That would be pretty cool. I think our soul is the collective intelligence of the universe and when we are born we are infused with our own little piece of it. It doesn’t belong to the piece of flesh we happen to be wearing at the time; this is a concept way beyond our ‘ego’. Our ego, or identity, is created within the society we happen to be born into. I happen to come from materialistic, individualized culture so my ego happens to be particularly strong but I try not to hold that against myself. I don’t believe my ego is my soul. My soul is so much bigger than my ego. My ego will die with me; my soul will simply leave my body at the time of my death and return to the universe’s lifestream. Is this a finite resource? I don’t know. I’m not that smart.
But I do believe in soul mates. I have had it happen too many times not to. It is when you meet someone and your soul instantly recognizes them. Whether it is a physical attraction or just friendship, it is when you meet someone and you know that this is your person. And I think you have multiple people throughout your lifetime. Friends, lovers, husbands and wives. How else can you explain locking eyes with someone across the room and having a physical reaction. I call it the ‘jolt’. It happens when I see someone I have never seen before but as soon as we lock eyes, my body will jolt, as if struck by lightening. I used to be embarrassed by this. I used to think it was just finding someone cute in a crowd, like our culture teaches us. It couldn’t possibly be a cosmic, spiritual reunion. But it is that strong. It’s finding someone cute in a crowd, and having your soul recognize them from whatever souls usually do when they are not trapped in human form, and wanting to reconnect. That’s how I met my husband. That’s how I learned some of the biggest truths about myself. Of course, being soul mates is just the beginning of the journey. Marriage is first and foremost about commitment. Some days I run into other soul mates of mine. My body jolts. Our eyes lock for the first time. But I choose my husband because my ego wants to remain pure and loved by only one person. Your soul is playful and adventurous. Sometimes you’ve got to keep it in check.
And that’s why I’m so angry all the time. If I believed we were just stupid monkeys coming to the end of our life cycle, I would be fine with us polluting and trashing our home into extinction. But I believe we are so much more than that! We are billions of years of universal evolution and we should know better. Right now our minds are hijacked by the culture we live in, but deep down, we know this isn’t right. We can sense it. Our connection to the universe will not allow us to be happy in such a self-centered, destructive state.